To answer your question about Amanda being ironic:
She is an icon that represents the stranded, stagnant, and quite unconventional Old South.
Amanda was strategically given characteristics that go hand in hand with her way of mind, and mannerisms: They conform to the dynamics of the US South its paradigms.
For example: Amanda is the typical Southern belle, expecting the "Gentlemen Callers", dressing up all pompous and over-working to over-entertain for a quite casual afternoon with Jim. She also has the Southern habit of embellishing her tales, repeating old stories, and being a charmer, hence, her Southern Hospitality.
In addition to that, she expects the same for her daughter, and is oblivious to the needs of his son, all for the sake of keeping up with the preoccupations that in another time and place would have mattered when she was younger.
Amanda is also preocupied with appeareances, and the need to keep them. Even though Mr. Wingfield had left the family in the most miserable manner, she still managed to stay firm to the tradition and had his pictured displayed huge in the living room. She also takes great pride on her pedigree, making comments about the grandiosity of her days in the South, and somehow always managing to remain there, in her mind.
What is IRONIC about all this is that she is living in a different time and place, where industrialism is drowning workers everywhere, where there is an economic depression going on, where her son and daughter are lost in cluelessness, and in a place where none of her actions would be considered typical in a fast-moving, dynamic city.
Imagine how ridiculous or strange her demeanor looked in front of Jim when she was being so extremely hospitable, witty, and exceedingly charming. She was also awkwardly over-dressed, and she had pre-planned way too much for a casual meeting. Jim, being a city guy, probably thought of this as the doings of an "odd old lady" and probably felt very weird in the process as well.
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