Hi there- I totally agree with tthakker. I would be happy to see a thesis statement with so much promise on one of my papers!
You might add something as simple as an addition that includes the title of the novel, ie, "In Wm Golding's novel Lord of the Flies..." Do be careful to use your own words, however. If you use the tthaker's suggestion verbatim in your paper, you must cite it or it will be considered plagiarism.
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